Revised March 2007
“To be angry because you have cancer is normal. Sometimes I feel as if I'm angry with the entire world. The question is where to direct that anger. I want to be able to direct that energy towards destroying each and every cancer cell inside of me.”
"Anger is just a demand for change, a passionate wish for things to be different" - Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen.
Anger
Anger includes a range of feelings from mild irritation and frustration to rage and fury. Feeling angry and upset that this is happening to you is fairly common for patients and their caregivers, family and friends. Anger sometimes is connected to other feelings that are hard to show—such as fear, panic, frustration, anxiety, or helplessness.
Anger can occur when your needs are not being met or respected. You may feel angry at different points throughout your cancer experience. Some people have shared that they have felt anger towards different things such as:
- the cancer
- your healthcare team
- friends and family
- your body
- yourself
- your spiritual support(s)
- delays and obstacles in the healthcare systems
- healthy people
Many of us have been raised with the idea that it’s not acceptable to be angry. You may feel guilty and try to deny having these feelings. It is important for everyone to know that at least a certain amount of anger is expected and needs to be expressed. Keeping these uncomfortable emotions inside or unexpressed can make coping much harder.
Ignoring your anger doesn’t mean it goes away; the anger may just remain hidden and perhaps come out in non-helpful or harmful ways. Unexpressed anger can also contribute to increased feelings of depression and anxiety.
As is true with other emotions, the challenge is to find ways to express/release your anger that do not negatively impact your own health or your relationships with others.
When might I need help?
When:
- anger interferes with your ability to live your life in the a way that is healthy, enjoyable and meaningful to you
- anger stops you from doing what you need to get done
- people who care about you give you feedback that your anger is interfering with your relationships with others
- your ways of expression are harmful to others or yourself. Verbal or physical abuse towards others is not an acceptable way to express your emotions or your needs.
For example, if on your way to the Centre, you get into a shouting match with another driver, you need to find safer ways to express your frustration. Or, if an appointment change was made at the last minute, yelling at the front desk clerk is not a healthy or respectful way to express your needs.
What’s available in the cancer center I go to?
There are supports in the Centre to help you develop and maintain positive ways of expressing both your needs and your feelings:
What’s available in my community?
Mental health professionals in your community such as counsellors, psychologists and psychiatrists may be a support you choose to access.
Your local library will likely have some resource material for identifying and managing anger.
Canadian Mental Health Association (BC) - 1.800.555.8222 or 604.688.3234 for Lower Mainland or http://www.cmha.bc.ca/